Wednesday, May 11, 2011

OMG Moment: Re-educating Myself

My NOTE: This was written during the first few months of my adjustment period here in Maine. I am posting it here because I am currently downsizing my blog accounts and merging them for easy management. Hope you find this interesting.

I have been out of work for more than six months now. For the first couple of months or so it was a-OK. Bumming out is easy and user friendly. I don’t need to do extra effort to achieve anything. I am having the time of my life… the good one. I am able to do the things I wanted to do when I was still busy struggling to make a living. I finally find the chance to do my crafts (crochet, beads-work, scrap-booking, and other Martha-Stewart-kind-of-things-that-looked-easy-and-actually-hard-to-do stuff). I have more time and longer hours for sleeping and drifting away to dreamland and the rare occasions to engage on TV marathon. I enjoy the thrills of breaking my own record playing my PC games (feeding frenzy and text twist). I spend countless hours online talking to my cyber-friends, updating my Friendster accounts and writing down my nagging thoughts (read: Blogging) and a whole lot more. It’s awesome. I also enjoy doing the things that I used to hate like… cleaning the house, doing/folding the laundry, fixing meals, doing the dishes and everything in between. I have never been this domesticated in my entire life before. And I am loving it.

For the past 11 years of being a teacher, I woke up one day and realized that I finally got tired of the classroom. A change of environment is a welcome treat. I need a vacation! Oh how much I dreamt about it… chatting with my friends online instead of lesson planning… listening to Norah Jones instead of my students’ deafening noise… relaxing in a spa and having a long, nice, and calming massage instead of dealing with my stressful classes and the pressures of documenting students’ grades and computing them… bonding with my BFFs in other cities of the world instead of being dismayed by the intrigues from co-workers and their endless complaints about their work, family and in-laws. Oh how I hated our school uniform because I can’t wear my scarves collection. And I felt so bad that I was not compensated no matter how hard I worked because my VMV Hypoallergenics beauty supplies are getting more expensive. I hated the fact that VMV eye serum works so well that it really gave my eyes a quick fix… and it was hurting my budget so bad too. I am NOT loving any of it.

They say, “be careful with what you wish for, you might get it”. I did! I am now on an extended vacation. I quit my job… I am [currently] unemployed… I should be jumping for joy and shouting on top of my lungs… YAHOO or YEHEY! I am now able to do the things I was dreaming of. I am now free from the pressures of work. And there are more perks. I teach myself new meaning to old words. And I literally able to comprehend the true meaning of the word “unsatisfied”. Because… I now miss lesson planning, the noisy classrooms, the stressful classes, the intrigues, even the school uniform and my “low income”. I am now tired of doing crafts (I am beginning to develop arthritis [I was just guessing] because my hand is killing me). I hate sleeping more hours, it makes my eyes looked more tired and I don’t have VMV eye serum now (I can’t afford it I have no income so I switched to Neutrogena [thanks to hubby]). I am bored watching TV, tired of playing my computer games and updating my Friendster account (almost every two hours). I don’t enjoy cleaning the house anymore because there is nothing to clean at all (it is always spic and span). I feel lazy doing and folding the laundry). I hate fixing meals because my new family don’t eat rice (I miss rice). I hate washing the dishes (it makes my hands dry). And I hate everything in between. Being domesticated sucks!

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Isn’t it funny how we hate the things we are used to do and when we are not doing them anymore we miss doing them somehow? Is “contentment” an understatement or an answer to “boredom”? Is the cliché “you can’t teach old dog new tricks” just a cliché? Are some habits really hard to break? Maybe it is really true that once you get used to doing things no matter how much you hate it, you will miss doing it when you are given the chance for a change because contentment and satisfaction are huge words. Or better yet, change is the “huge” word. Technically, I’m no longer a teacher neither am I a student, but I need to re-teach myself some few lessons in life because boredom makes you forget important things.

Change is the only permanent thing in this world so to speak and being so – to be able to accept it is either overwhelming or otherwise. Just like the season… some people waited all summer for winter to come and when it is here, they hate it. Trying to get out of our comfort zone is both a challenge and a sacrifice. And being able to cope with the end-result of that decision is both fulfilling and heart-breaking. The irony of life is the secret ingredient that makes it magical.

I am now bored of doing the things I used to dream about and I missed all the things I hate doing before. And in a couple of months from now, I might have my green card approved and that means that I will be able to work again. And knowing myself… I know sooner or later I will be complaining again (about not having the time to do my crafts, sleep more hours, watch TV, etc, etc, etc.) In a few more months from now, I might be writing again (about how I hate my work, the workplace, the intrigues, the routine… and so on… and so forth). And I will be complaining again just like before. I will be wishing again for change. Just like how I prayed for rain during summer time because it was so hot and dry and for the sun to come out on rainy days because it was all so wet and damp. I must have been driving God crazy with all my prayers then.

Oh boy, when will I be contented? Should I “teach” myself over again how to love the things I hate to do? I think so… because I need to accept the fact that there is nothing permanent in this world. Should I be grateful that I am complaining? I think so… because I am sure that I am still alive… living… struggling… surviving! I am still human… capable of reinventing myself! Will I be able to challenge myself again and make my life more interesting this time? I think so… because I have life’s little lessons to teach and re-teach myself to live life to the fullest. Do I need to be reminded that life is a constant change? Yes, because life… after all – is magical! I need to live it and believe in it constantly – for a change.

----------------------------Ruthilicious-------------------------------

Ruthilicious... absent in the Classroom, present in the Chatroom. She blogs when she is NOT Facebooking doing chores and she blogs while she is ALSO Facebooking doing chores.

To read more about her Teaching-Learning Experience... Click HERE.

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