Sunday, August 23, 2009

the unfaithful

"Jesus said to him, "Have you believed because you have seen me? Blessed are those who have not seen and yet believe." (John 20:29)

There will always be a "doubting Thomas" among us. This is human nature. The human spirit is frail when it is subjected to sufferings. The human spirit is weak when it is under intensed trials. And the human spirit is fragile when it is pressured by hardship.

Doubts set in everytime the human spirit is shattered by disappointments, frustrations, and dejections. When Jesus was captured, crucified, and died on the cross, a lot of his followers were shattered. Jesus was their joy. Jesus was their healer. And Jesus was their only hope.

But they didn't understand anything at that time. Even the desciples. That is why Thomas was doubtful. He was doubtful not because he has no faith in Jesus. He was doubtful not because he didn't love Jesus. And he was doubtful not because he has given up on Jesus. He was doubtful because he was a human spirit torn and hurt by what had happened to the person he loved.

A lot of times, my spirit is shattered when I am disappointed with my life. Most of the time, my spirit is shattered when I am frustrated with my heart's desire. And sometimes, my spirit is shattered when I am face with rejections.

I am a doubting Thomas too most of the time. I am unfaithful. But God never gives up on me. He remains faithful. He is faithful.

Spiritual Musing Sunday

The Drought

I have stayed away from writing "reflections" for quite awhile. But I have a good alibi. I experienced another "spiritual drought" again. That's my alibi.

By saying that... I can hear my mom saying - "I told you, no excuses!". But "bless her soul" I can't think of anything to say to explain my being irresponsible. I have promised myself that this year [again], I will make my daily personal reflection on the scriptures. I did it for a couple of weeks straight then... I stopped. And I have not written until now.

This happened many times in the past for me. I also wrote a lot of reflections before when I was still new in the apostolate. My heart then was burning with so much inspiration that time and my ideas were running like a river. And once I finished reading the scripture and sat in front of the computer... I was unstoppable. I was like Jesus' disciples, blessed with the wisdom of the Holy Spirit.

But then, after awhile, the fire died down. I lost the inspiration. It became hard for me to think and construct a simple sentence to make a short reflection. Until, I totally stopped all together.

My spiritual adviser call it "spiritual drought". Where the burning desire in one's heart suddenly died down. "Back-sliding" is another term that he used to describe it. When one feels that the grace of the Holy Spirit is not working anymore and the person goes back to its wrong ways. But then, according to him, this is not a bad thing at all. This is in fact, a blessing if we have to look it in a different context.

Spiritual drought is a life's trial. He explained it to me in a simile. He said... our spiritual life is like a tree. It needs sun, air and water to grow. These are our life's achievements, family, friends and other blessings that we received from God. But then, God also gives the tree a period of drought. Too much sun but less water or sometimes, totally no water. And when that happens, the tree never dies. Its roots sink deeper to the soil to find water in order to survive. The roots grow deeper and deeper not knowing that by doing so, the tree becomes stonger and deeply anchored. And then, the big hurricane came, everything was destroyed, the houses, the vegetations, everything except the tree. It remained planted and standing strong because the roots were deep enough to hold the trunk of the tree on the ground. It survived the hurricane because of the drought.

I was called a splogger by another blogger in another website during my first year of blogging. And that broke my spirit. So I stopped writing. But like any drought. And after awhile, it made me more thirsty. I thirst to write again. That is why I am here again and writing those nagging thoughts. And yes, soon I will be doing my "reflections" again... and I know, I will also get myself tempted to stop and experience drought soon enough too.

The hurricane had subsided. The storm is now calm. The tree remained standing. Now, I am thirsty. And while I am... I need to quench my thirst from the water of faith.

Sunday, August 16, 2009


"And Mary said, "Behold, I am the handmaid of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word." And the angel departed from her." (Luke 1:38)

I remember my mother would always say to me... "Why can't you just do it?" everytime she would ask me to do something. I am not really lazy, I was just inquisitive. I would always ask question first before following orders. Before following her order I would first asked her... "Why?" And it would pissed her off everytime I did that. She wanted me to follow her without questions. "Why won't you be just a good obedient girl like everybody else?", she would asked next.

When the angel Gabriel announced to Mary that she is chosen to be the mother of Jesus, she didn't ask why... she only asked how it will happen. It only proved that she was indeed a smart girl just wanting to know the real situation she will be put in. And knowing the real consequences of the predicament she was presented with, she accepted without doubt.

Mary was a real obedient girl. She knows the consequences that she will be facing once she gives her consent but still she accepted it. She obeyed God's order. She followed what she was told. She accepted her fate. And for this, salvation became possible to humanity. Because of Mary's obedience, Jesus was made flesh and became our savior.

Mary is not only a smart girl. She is brave and strong. And I am not like her. There are times that I would chicken out when I am given a great responsibility for fear that I will fail. I am afraid to do something I was asked to do for fear that people will be disappointed when things turn out to be a failure. And I am scared that when things go downhill people will blame me. I don't have that strong faith that can move mountain.

But God have faith in me. His faith in me makes me strong. Like Mary, I just need to believe in that faith so I will be able to say "YES" too and accept my responsibility with more confidence and trust.

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