Thursday, February 28, 2008

the frustrated writer... is a splogger

I am a splogger!

That's what a lady called me in another website where I recently signed up for. Despite the fact that I really don't have any clue what it means, I was hurt. I was humiliated. And I was disappointed.

It's not a major thing, actually. But the thing is... I am a writer. Or at least I believe so. And that's where the problem begins. This is not just a simple "thing." It's a big one... huge. Because for me, you are talking about life here.

Writing is my passion. It is my first love. And I would have been married to it if I had not met the love of my life. But even if I got married, I still continue a secret relationship with "it" because I just couldn't put an end to our romance. You know the saying... "first love never dies." ... that's how it is with me and my writing.

Every writer believes that he is good at his craft. Every writer takes pride of his writings. Every writer loves to know that his write-ups have an audience. And every writer needs to feel good about his writings.

When I was called a "splogger" by a lady who happens to be the one who is the top earner in that website, I was disappointed. She wrote... "You are a splogger and a splogger is not welcome here." I felt I was convicted of a crime and sentenced to death. For what crime? For publishing my collection of write-ups (all 7 of them in 1 day). By the way she puts it, I assumed that "a splogger" is somebody who is greedy enough to post all his write-ups depriving other authors to have their articles published. Or maybe, I am also guessing... since an author gets points for publishing his write-up and gets paid for the quantity and quality of his post... I speculate that "splogger" means someone who might be a threat to her current position. I don't know. I said I was just guessing.

Okay, okay, I was guilty. I was carried away. And I over did it. When I posted a couple of write-ups the moment I signed up and received some comments for it, I was elated. So what do you think it felt like? I was so excited and posted more from my collection. But maybe there are rules and regulations about it. Maybe it was my fault that I didn't know about that rules. And maybe I was plain naive. But I can't use this as an alibi. A writer doesn't take alibi for his action... he takes responsibility. So I deleted all the entries I posted the day I read that comment (excepts those entries, that already have some comments on it out of respect for those people who took time and effort to read my write-ups).

Actually, there are two people who reacted on my "splogging". The first one has nice words for me and gave me constructive criticism. She gave me some tips how to be more effective in the website and assured me that she just wanted me to start on the right foot and even encouraged me to write more but give considerations to other members. And the second one... she literally told me that - I am not welcome in the website.

Words are important for writers. These are their tools to make their ideas tangible. And words are powerful. So powerful that it can make or break a person. The comments I received were just words but they were so powerful. But they also say - it is not what you say, but how you say it. Two different comments but both affected me so much that I suddenly felt its blow that impacted me so bad. So bad that I came up to the realization that I am just a "frustrated writer."

I stopped writing after that. I stopped writing to give myself a time to lick my wounds. And I just stopped. Then I realized, I just can't stopped... writing. So here I am again. Writing and licking my wounds at the same time. Because someone told me too... "if you are a writer, you got to have thick skin." So here I am... growing some skin.

Monday, February 25, 2008

a lifetime occupation

NOTE: This was written on Valentine's Day of 2006.

When people talk about challenges, nothing beats those that deal with matters of the heart. Suffice it to say, it is almost impossible to take things lightly for no matter how hard one tries to elude the impact it presents, people will always get emotional one way or the other.

Valentine’s Day is a celebration of love and LOVE is a celebration of one’s deep feeling of compassion for someone who deserves it. Being in love is one of life’s amazing experiences that one can have. And those who have not experienced to fall in love definitely missed out on something momentous.

Being in love should be a lifetime occupation. It maybe an understatement though, but I believe that if people should work hard to stay in love, is it not an occupation or what? For after all, people continuously finding ways to express what’s in their hearts, and to attain it, I know is one hell of a job.

I can’t remember the first time I fell in love. This may come as a surprise for some because I know a lot of people will never forget their first love. Well in my case, it’s a different issue. I can’t remember the first time not because I am too old too remember it or because I had a selective memory dysfunction syndrome or because I totally had amnesia. I can’t remember the first time I fell in love simply because… I am a perpetually a "first-time-first-fall" kind of gal. This maybe something hard to believe but since the moment I was old enough to appreciate the beauty of being with someone special… and began to understand the meaning of affection and the warmth that it brought to my well-being… to the point of experiencing the joy of sharing the same emotion with someone equally appreciative, I knew then that falling in love is so amazing. And each time I fell out of it… I had to stand up and get ready to fall again the second [first] time around… and the third [first] time… and the next and so on.

But falling in love is a hard task. Love is a learning process that everyone has to undergo through without considering one’s limitation. People who went through the process gained varied learning experiences that eventually guided them to the next level. Well, we need to consider the fact too that even in this course… there are those who we regard as – fast and slow learners. And the word “failure” does exist in this field as well. That is why it is not surprising to hear that those who fail have totally given up on love. If falling in love is a hard task… falling out of it is greatly disheartening.

Love is a work out. Like our muscles, we need to work hard to harden our emotion in order to face the trials that come along the way… shape our judgment to be able to free ourselves from egotism and become selfless… strengthen our faith so that we will be able to see beyond what is not good and beautiful… tone our passion to be able to keep your desire burning with pure affection… and make our conviction firm so that we will be able to keep our good values in-tact.

I cannot count how many first loves I had in the past. All I can remember is that, each one is unique, each one is special, each one is educating, each one is illuminating and each one is memorable. I can’t even choose which one is my favorite and which one I do hate the most. All I know is that… the next time I fall (for the Nth first time)… I will be busy working my butt off again… for I’m "in" for another lifetime occupation.

Sunday, February 17, 2008

... love my... "whutt?"


Today's reading is taken from the Gospel of Matthew 5:44-45. "But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven; for he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust".

Every good Christian with enemies know about this. Every good Christian who wants to go to heaven is trying very hard to follow it. And every good Christian with enemies and wants to go to heaven is struggling with it.

It's hard to be a Christian if you have an enemy.

I enjoy watching the Presidential Debates. I am always excited to know which presidential hopefuls will win in the caucuses and primaries and who's backing off from the race. Well, it's not that my opinion about a certain candidate matters, I just got my green card (conditional status) recently and I know I still don't have the right to vote but I do favor one candidate already. I am a democrat. I am for change.

One night as I watched the news, Mitt Romney announced his full support for Mr. John McCain. He was saying all those nice words to Mr. McCain, how good he was and how important he is for the political party. And they shook hands.

REWIND...

One night as I watched the news, Mitt Romney's campaign commercial was flashed on the TV. He was saying all those bad words about Mr. McCain, that he is not the right person for the position. But they [still] shook hands.

On the Democratic side, same thing is happening. Obama and Clinton both said negative and positive words about each other and I saw them... shook hands. Keep your friends close and your enemy closer - a nice cliche.

Last night, I had a bad argument with my hubby. We had another fight over petty things, we watched TV and slept without talking to each other.

FAST FORWARD...

We will ride the snowmobile again and ice-fish. We will watch TV tonight and sleep holding hands just like every single night. Sleeping with an Enemy - a nice yet troubling movie.


---------------------------------------

It's not easy to love our enemies specially if they betrayed us. It's not easy to love our enemies, if they caused us so much pain. It's not easy to love our enemies, if they persecuted us. And it's not easy to love our enemies simply because... they cannot love us back.

Today's reading taught us not just to love our enemy. It's more than being nice to people. It's more than being careful not to offend people. It's more than accepting others despite our difference. And it's more that just loving our enemies but rising up to our own weaknesses.

Today's reading taught us to be strong in times of adversaries... to be stronger in times of temptations... to be strongest in times of persecution. Being a Christian a hard... if we live it apart from God. So let's hold on.


the judge


"But when a righteous man turns away from his righteousness and commits iniquity and does the same abominable things that the wicked man does, shall he live? None of the righteous deeds which he has done shall be remembered; for the treachery of which he is guilty and the sin he has committed, he shall die." (Ezekiel 18:24)

"He was an outstanding student. He was an awarded student, someone who was revered by faculty and students alike. We had no problems and no indications at all that he would engage in such activities," Donald Grady, the Northern Illinois University Police Chief, said during the press conference.He was referring to 27-year-old Steven Kazmierczak who was identified as the gunman on Thursday's shooting spree at NIU in Dekalb, Illinois.

It was all over the news. Another shooting incident in US University. And according to CBS new, it was the 7th shooting incident that happened all over America in a month's time. All of these incidents happened in different campuses and all of the gunmen were students.

What went wrong? Since the Virginia Tech mayhem in April of 2007, we have witnessed how a human being can transform into something inhuman. And It was contradictory that most of these killers were portrayed as good people and were not thought of as capable of doing such horrifying crime. But something must have gone wrong. Is it drug? Is it family problem? Is it low self-esteem? Is it frustration? Is it all of the above?

A couple of days ago, CBS News also reported a woman who was given a parole. She is a felon who committed multiple crimes. She served her sentence and now ready to face the world anew with new hopes, new beginning, new aspirations. According to her, she has changed and was sorry for all the bad things that she did in the past. She now wants to lead a new life.

Life turns the way we wanted or expected it to be based on the choices we make. God gave us the freedom to choose the path we wanted to take or the will power to make the right decisions presented to us. If sometimes we took the wrong path... God hopes that we find our way back to Him. He gives us the chance to take the right path but it is up to us to make the right decision.

Both the gunman and the paroled woman made their choices and faced the consequences of the choices they made. The good man who turned into a killer and the felon who turned into a good woman, they both have their past before them and made a turning point how they wanted to be remembered in the future to come.

We are here not to judge. We are here to learn the lessons of their lives. We are here to look into our own lives. We are here to make a decision which path to take. And whatever decision we make, we will be remembered for it. How do you want to be remembered?

Spiritual Musing Sunday

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